To my surprise the proof of Taking Tanka Home arrived by Fed Ex on Thursday afternoon. I would not have had to send poor Werner off to the post office the day before if I had known how they were sending the book. This meant that Friday morning was given to proofing and correcting a few minor space problems. The biggest change was on the cover. I felt the black font on the title was wrong, so I changed it to white. I feel it helps to pull together the white on the left and jumps out to the eye more than the black. It is amazing how one can visualize things, think about them, create them in a computer and yet when they manifest the message they carry can be very different.

Hoping this looks as good in the real as it does on the computer I went ahead and ordered the books. I just felt I could not give another ten days to a proof. More nail-biting.

Oh the two things I had worried about for this proofing came out okay. On the computer screen the ISBN barcode and some of the kanji looked a bit fuzzy but in the paper book they were fine. It was the things I thought were okay that hit me behind the knees. Life?

to wander

in a flowering meadow

no stem is bent

by the leisure of a mind

enjoying a photograph

I was so sure that the Taking Tanka Home proof from Lulu.com would be in the mailbox that I asked Werner to make a special trip to town to check. No happiness! Twenty-eight mile gamble that did not pay off.
To compensate I began to pack up the other books that I do have to send to Good Day Books in Tokyo. I am waiting on a call-back from the post office to learn their regs for shipping books. They seem to change each week.
In the meantime; waiting. . .

According to the folks at Lulu the book shipped out on Friday. As of mail delivery yesterday it had not arrived although I had paided for express shipment. To calm myself I repeat the manta, "You do not need to HAVE this book. If it gets done; it gets done. Whatever is to be will be." And yet I keep wondering where I went wrong to get myself into this time-bind. . .
Join me in feeding the fish above by placing your mouse in the pond (cooling thought), clicking to drop food, and watch the fish delight in their lunch. I wonder if one can over-feed virtual fish?

The manuscript and cover for Taking Tanka Home have been sent to Lulu and now I am biting my nails wondering what I forgot to do. Will the kanji be sharp enough? Will the barcode look better? Why can I not get a better image of it? Does it matter? Does the world need another book.
Last night Werner was telling me about an article in the Frankfurter newspaper saying that the Internet and desktop publishing are producing more books than there are readers! What a depressing thought! But it is one I have had. I think this is not the time to think about it!
Off to start writing book reviews for Lynx. My pay-back to our industry! At least I read the books others make. And write down my opinions. . .

I did it. I managed to manifest my worst fear: that I would put the wrong kanji on a translation. The fear has hung over my head the whole time and then today, after I had sent off the pdf for Robin to check, I found my goof. Thank goodness he had been too busy to even check his email so he never saw the error. Now I tremble to learn what else he finds!

I am still shaking from the shock. Now I am wondering what other disaster I have created. At this stage of proofing I often get the thought that I create books only to invent fields for errors and mirrors of my inadequacy. This is my least favorite part of doing a book! Like the woman in labor I swear I will never do this again!

As I tossed in bed, wide awake at 3:00, I began to despair that Robin would ever get the kanji versions of the translations to me. He is a very busy guy, in addition to taking care of his sister who is battling cancer he is working on several books at once. In the dark I imagined how I could redo the book so one would not miss the kanji - how I could continue without his help.

Then upon opening my email - there the kanji was! And he was doing far more work than I had asked for. He gave me various possible translations with the matching kanji. It was almost an embarrassment of riches!

The pages look so much more impressive and complete with the kanji on them. I am so thrilled and excited. My joy today is so much higher than my despair was deep!

today

standing on tip-toes

an act of love

above faith and forgiveness

just to think of you

It is strange how books take on a life of their own - even 'deciding' what will be in them or not. Today I tried to figure out how to add in the new poems and they simply did not fit. It was like working a puzzle in which half the pieces were cut from cardboard and the rest cut from wood.
Also, since the poems came so easily the other day I felt I could pick up where I left off and continue. I could not sleep so decided to get up to get the rest of the poems I felt hovering over me. Nada! Nix! The well was dry.
Now I am feeling sleep-deprived with no joy in new work. I am a grumpy lump in a gray sweat suit. Need to get off on a walk to refill my tanks with tanka.

tearful lips

the bruised color of questions

in your eyes

where do the days lead to

when understanding is gone

More misunderstandings! Yesterday when I was considering adding some of the new poems to the book, Taking Tanka Home, I was looking at the sheets of the print-out. Usually Werner looks at my new stuff and makes with an 'x' those he finds good. On these sheets there were only a couple of marks.
My heart sank and I thought, "Oh dear, the new stuff is no good at all. If he only found three worthy of his marks."
This morning at breakfast I apologized to him for the poor quality of the last batch of tanka and he was astounded. Evidently he found all of them good enough to publish and the 'x' only indicated his choice when I had written variations. Whew! What a relief! Suddenly the sun shines and I have gobs of energy.
However, instead of working on the book I worked on the 'handout' of tanka books and websites I want to have for the speech. I needed a morning of routine organizing book titles to calm my jaded nerves.

three roads
one a blood we share
one a river

when our canoe tips over

we follow our breath

Robin D. Gill, the guy who makes those 10-pound books of translation, is writing the Introduction to the book. Yesterday he sent it by attachment. It was already formatted so I tried and tried to get it back to neutral. When nothing worked I gave up and simple pasted it into the book. I made some minor cosmetic corrections and was feeling that I could live with the strange style. Accidentally, but nothing is truly accidental, I happened to scroll to another page in the book and to my horror all the formatting in the whole book gone wonky.

At some level I knew what to do, yet suddenly seeing all that work jump into new places on the page nearly undid me. I suddenly knew what people meant when they said something was 'possessed.' All I had to do was to close the file without saving it, but the shock is still with me.

Then while polishing the poems from a couple of days ago I found this:

learning

of our unreadable start

below the breast

you and I in world

barely parallel

Whatever was I thinking of when I wrote that three days ago? Is madness catching?

Welcome to my new blog.

As part of my activities surrounding the trip to Japan and the speech I will be giving at the International Annual PEN Club Congress in the Keio Plaza Hotel on Tuesday, September, 28, 2010, I wanted to chart my path.

I plan for this to be partly journal, as well as report, of these very special days.

Yesterday started off well with many new tanka which I hope will be the backbone of these blogs.

poet of lines

pencil and wordless

drawn

in circles and spirals

your story of space

This one I put on the copyright page of the book I am making to take with me, Taking Tanka Home, under the line about the cover drawing being one made by Werner.